Another Update and a List of What Not to Do.

I’ve mentioned that it’s been a challenging few weeks around the Moore house.  I didn’t imagine I would share this so soon, but I just feel like maybe it would be helpful to someone else.  Or therapeutic for me.  Or something….

We found out that we lost our third baby.  This is our second pregnancy loss, but our third pregnancy.  After our first miscarriage, I didn’t tell anyone for a looooong time (other than the people who knew we were pregnant in the first place).  But I’m learning that in life that it’s okay to share our hurts as well as our joys.  It’s what makes us human.  Things aren’t always sunshine and rainbows, and to pretend that they are is just inauthentic.  And that’s the last thing I want to be.  My life is awesome sometimes and kinda sucks other times, but I live in a place of grace.  I am not afraid to share our stories of loss or hurt or imperfection because there is grace for all those things.  I am secure enough in my relationship with Jesus to be able to express myself and hopefully use a terrible situation to His glory.

That being said, here’s a few things that I feel like are important for people to know.  This may or may not apply to all women in the same situation, but these are things I’m learning as we go through this for the second time.  Also, this may be a bit cynical, so I hope you will forgive me for that.  I’m not trying to be particularly sage or encouraging.  I’m just trying to be real.

1.  Don’t try to make me feel better.  While words of encouragement are greatly appreciated, there is really nothing that can be said that will make it any less painful.  A woman needs to be allowed to grieve the loss of her baby without people immediately trying to help her get over it.  It’s okay to still be sad about it a year, two years, 10, 15, 20 years (etc.) later.  That’s your baby and the sting of losing a baby will never really go away.

2.  The stats really don’t help.  Yes, 15-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.  Maybe 40% of all pregnancies (known and unknown) end in miscarriage.  But really, nothing positive is accomplished by stating this.  End of story.

3.  Having another healthy baby doesn’ t make it any easier.  I am so very, very thankful for our sweet Josiah.  He is precious and perfect and the best thing to happen to us since we got married 5 years ago.  But as I just stated, that doesn’t make it any easier.

4.  “It just wasn’t meant to be.”  Ummmm, just don’t say that please.  Thanks.

5.  “Some people have it much worse.”  Yep.  That’s true.  But am I really supposed to be comforted by someone else’s pain?  That’s just silly.

I could probably come up with a few more, but I think what I’m really getting at here is that losing a baby is terrible no matter what.  It hurts no matter what.  Of course people want to help, and that is amazing.  Don’t think your offers to help are unappreciated.

But I think the most helpful thing that can be said is, “I’m praying for you.  Let me know how I can help.”  That’s really all that needs to be said.  Anything more and you’re likely to dig yourself one of the previously mentioned proverbial holes.  Or if you’re a really good friend, you can offer to be my bartender 😉  (shout out to my buddy).

Please know that in spite of all that has happened this last week, we are doing okay.  Yes, we are hurting.  But we also know that God is still in control and is taking care of our family.

Also, if you are dealing with or have dealt with pregnancy loss and would like to talk to someone, please, please get in touch with me.  I don’t have all the answers, obviously (or any, for that matter), but I do know that sharing with (or crying with) women who have been in your same situation is sometimes necessary.

I hope you all will have a good week, and I’ll try to get back on the bandwagon of accomplishing something related to saving money on here soon.  Love you all.

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A (Possible) Solution to Our Never-Ending Naptime Saga

For those of you that know anything about my family, you have probably heard me talk about our Never-Ending Naptime Saga.  The gist of it is our son doesn’t nap.

The more detailed version is that since he was about 2 weeks old, we have struggled with naps.  We have literally tried everything.  Part of the problem is our son is very alert, so it takes him a long time to settle down.  Also, he is used to running on fumes, so to speak, so he will literally go 6-8 hours without a nap, and be completely happy.  He doesn’t even fuss.  But then when 6:00 pm rolls around, he starts to lose it and we all pay for the fact that he hasn’t napped well.

BUT

I think I have found a solution to this problem.  First of all, the munchkin’s room already has thermal light-blocking curtains, but because of the moulding on the bottom of the windows, they don’t lie flat, so his room is still pretty bright.  bright nursery

This morning, was a really cloudy, rainy day, and his room was super dark, like it would be at about 7 pm.  When I put him down at 9 for his morning nap, he went right to sleep and slept for TWO. WHOLE. HOURS.  Yea.  You read that right.  Two hours.  My baby.  Yep.  I’m in as much shock as you are.

When I put him down for his afternoon nap though, it was a completely different story.  The rain had cleared up a little at that point, and his room was its usual brightness.  No nap.  Which got me thinking…  Maybe he just needs it to be really, really, REALLY dark in there.  So I started doing some research to see where I could get some light-blocking window treatments to go directly onto the window.  Unfortunately, these treatments were really expensive.  As in $30 per window.

This kid has 3 windows in his room and I was not about to spend $90 that we really don’t have and didn’t budget for on something I figured I could DIY for cheaper.  So, here is my easy guide to creating seal-able room darkening window treatments.

supplies

 

The only two items I had to buy were shower curtain liners (yes, it’s from Walmart… I actually stuck to my budget though because I was on a mission!!) and self-adhesive velcro.  I wanted to buy strips of velcro so it would seal all around the window, but that wasn’t very budget friendly.  I decided on these velcro circles instead. Also, I didn’t want to commit to darkness 24/7, and the velcro makes it easy to remove to clean windows, or just to enjoy the daylight.

I’m not very detail-oriented, so I just stuck the velcro on the edges of the window frame and stuck the shower curtain directly on it and then trimmed the edges to fit the window.  No measuring or anything that involves brain power.

The cost of this project was about $20 to cover 3 windows.  It took me about 15 minutes to finish the whole project.  I tried to take an after photo, but couldn’t because his room was too dark!!  Now it’s just a matter of time to see if he is able to sleep!!

It also occurred to me once I got home that I probably could have purchased a large tarp from the hardware section, which may have saved me more money.  Oh well.

Saving Money on Baby: Diapers

My husband and I made the decision well before I even became pregnant with our son that we wanted to be a cloth diapering family. With our desire to be debt-free, we just couldn’t justify the cost of disposable diapers. There’s tons of information available online about the cost of cloth vs. disposable, so I won’t go into that on here. I just want to share what we have done, why we do it, and how we keep everything as simple and inexpensive as possible.

Quick side story:

Anytime I have a question, I google it. I mean this very seriously. If you look at my google search history you will find anything from “normal baby poops” to “can you get a stomach bug from your dog.” But when I googled “cloth diapering,” I realized what a mistake that was. Sort of along the lines of trying to diagnose an illness with WebMD. You get wayyyyy too much information and end up thinking you have cancer. Except I guess the cancer part didn’t really apply to the diapers.

…anyway….

Unless you would like to be completely overwhelmed with 50 billion blogs about every different moms’ cloth diapering system, which all tend to be confusing and far more complicated than I care to be, don’t google “cloth diapering.”

My recommendation is to first decide your priority with cloth diapering. For us, our priority was to have a decent quality of diapers that were inexpensive. That was all it took for us to be able to figure out the type of diapers we would use!

Because we wanted inexpensive, we decided to go with pre-folds. We bought a kit on Amazon which was a recommendation from a friend. This basic package included everything we needed to get started.

Note that the diaper covers are plain white and non-cute. Again with the priorities… My thought was these diapers will be catching our son’s waste and will also be covered by clothes at least 99% of the time. I don’t care about the diaper cuteness.

Aside from diapers– which were a present, which was awesome– I have spent about $80 on other diaper accessories, including a diaper pail and liner, and 6 extra covers. I have also spent about $20 to keep some disposables on hand for traveling, and days when I’m behind on laundry.

Wipes:

I could save a bit more if I made my own wipes, which I have looked into doing. I decided not to for one main reason–time. I personally don’t believe the small savings (a fraction of a cent per wipe) is worth the time invested to make them. But if you don’t mind the time vs. savings aspect, go for it!!

So baby wipes are the one and only purchase I ever make from Target*. Target carries a pack of 800 diapers for under $15. When paired with Cartwheel by Target deals, I usually save another dollar. These wipes last about 8-10 weeks for us.

I have not regretted the decision to cloth diaper at any point. In the 7 months since our son was born, we have already recovered the cost of the diapers!

*A follow-up post will be coming regarding my thoughts on shopping at Target. Suffice it to say, I’m not allowed to go there frequently. Financial Freedom + Target or Walmart + me don’t mix 🙂

If you have anything to add to my thoughts on saving with cloth diapers, comment below!!